I wanted to share my intention for 2019, which is to resist less and say yes to more. BOOM! Which is a tad more easy to say than to do. So how do we get there?
1. Saying YES to what we are resisting
Whenever we meddle with life, which we do all the time, we are coming from a place of resistance. It might be feedback on a project that was negative, or missing the bus, the weather, entering the subway and being caught between two sneezers, or having difficulty sleeping. Or on a more subtle level, we are in resistance when we critisize ourselves and others and when we worry about where the world is heading. Essentially, we are in resistance 95%, if not 99% of our lives. If we can start leaning into what is happening, to experientially understand that ‘what is in the way is the way’, quoting Mary O’Malley, a contemporary somatic mystic, something deep within shifts. We are no longer at war with life, we are aligned with it and us. For me, as a former futurist and visionary, this is so intriguing, so difficult and so transformative. Using Tara Brach’s example of a YES-meditation, Tara is a mindfulness teacher and psychologist, we can practice it like this: We say YES! to the negative feedback, we say YES! when we miss the bus, we say YES! to getting the flu, we say YES! when we can’t sleep. After having said yes, we can find more ways to deal with what is going on, but in this very moment there is more space. We can also become “tightness dectives ” coined by Mary O’Malley and start getting curious whenever we experience any form of tension to inquire into what life is trying to tell us. So that is my first intention of saying YES!
2. Saying YES to our desires and our longing!
The second way of saying YES comes from the Tantric perspective where we look at what we want instead of what we don’t want. We say YES to our desires. Subconsciously, we often give up and shut down when we perceive that we can’t have something. Be it a fulfilling relationship, a dream job, comfortable finances, a good health, or for that matter, that gorgeous new coat we just saw. It can also be to say no to events or people, since then we are saying yes to our own needs. When we follow the Tantric path, we allow ourselves to feel our desires and acknowledge our needs. Say it is the desire for a deep and fulfilling relationship. How would that make us feel? Maybe we can sense that it would make us light-hearted and joyful and our hearts would open. Or the relaxation a good health would afford us. If we can stay with our desires and our longing, and feel the emotional effect of the end result, we learn that it’s not having what we want that is what is most important, but to allow ourselves to fully experience our desires and our longing. One of the easiest ways to faciliatate this second step, besides embodied inquiry, is to masturbate with loving presence. Yep. Had to get it in there, because it is one of the best ways to move out of our heads and into our bodies.
So 2019 I will be practicing both. Saying YES to what I’m resisting (and getting curious about what life is trying to teach me) and saying even more YES to my desires and my longing.
What are you resisting in your life and what are you willing to desire?
To a gloriously juicy and YES-filled 2019!
Love and Truth