On May 31, 2015, I immigrated back to Sweden from the US, so I’ve almost reached my 3-year anniversary. Nothing could have prepared me for how difficult it would be, nor how blessed I would feel today.
Moving to the US was connected with so much joy, hope and expansion. It was a life-long dream come true and I never thought I would come back. After 15 years in California, Sweden was something from my faded past that I didn’t relate to. Thus moving back became like a prison sentence. All my misgivings about Sweden and of being a Swede had to be faced down. All the things I had been running away from had to be reckoned with. And then there were alI the countless minute differences in the everday aspects of life that make Sweden and the US (California) like two separate galaxies. Like how you walk. How you smile. Or cross a street.
I never believed it would be so grace-filled, guided and amazing either. Don’t take me wrong. Several of the misgivings are still here. Yet, and it’s a big yet, I feel an immense gratitude for being able to be here, for all the support I’ve been given and for all the amazing people I know and have gotten to know. I still keep my options open in terms of where I will end up long-erm, but for now, I can just see how essential it has been for me to return. Without it, I wouldn’t have become real or true.
That makes me reflect on grace, fate and destiny. And how mysterious it all is. We resist something that we don’t want, and yet that turns around and becomes our biggest gift. I never planned to do the courses working with women, sexuality, soul/spirit and leadership that now have changed my life. I never expected that I would find myself as a woman, in Sweden, of all places. And I never believed that it was in Sweden where I would get to that point where presence, truth and pleasure are the bright beacons of grace that keep guiding me forward.
So what is it that guides us? What is the fabric of grace, fate and destiny? Is guidance always there, and we just fail to recognize it because we resist it or deny it? Are we following a grace-guided maze of fate and destiny that is non-negotiable, but we take it to be free will? I don’t know. What I do know is that I know very little, and that the more I trust the present moment, and that the experience I’m having is here for a reason, I can surrender, and the better life gets. Increasingly I sense that I’m not the only player on the chess-board called my life.
What comes up for you when you read this? What is your relationship with the big events that have shaped your life – that you have labeled good and bad? Do you feel yourself to be the map-maker or the one following an already plotted path? How have you experienced grace? Please share in the comments below.
Have a mysterious- and grace-filled week,
Love and Truth,